


A Wish of Death

by spookysu



Category: Original Work
Genre: Drinking, F/F, Gen, Inktober, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Ogres, Oni, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Port universe, Youkai, Yôkai, sake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 23:54:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12331374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookysu/pseuds/spookysu
Summary: Living too long is painful when you’re all alone.Inktobercommission for ZeroInvador for the prompt Underwater.The Portuniverse. Sort-of sequel toThe Woman Who Walks the Shore.





	A Wish of Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZeroInvador](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeroInvador/gifts).



I kept their clothes after their deaths.

All of them, from Hoshi’s armor to Shuten’s raggedy kimono. I even had the clothes the twins liked to wear, and they had been wiped out first.

I held them close, an article of clothing for each of my sisters-in-arms I missed. The scent of Ooeyama still lingered on them, the sweat of each oni still clinging to the fabric. I would never wash them. Maybe it made me a little crazy, or maybe I was just high, but these four people were the most valuable people to my life.

It was my reason for leaving Japan. Once Hoshi and Shuten committed seppuku for their crimes, living with other oni didn’t feel the same. I moved north, to the new capital, for a while, living in the bustling city and bonding with yakuza to keep my attention and warrior instincts sharp.

But it wasn’t the same without the twins’ jokes, Hoshi’s warm heart, or Shuten’s laughter. I wished desperately I could have gone to Tokyo with them.

So I moved to Washington to connect with some different kami. I helped the priests at the local Shinto shrine, I meditated, I even turned to Buddhism for a while. But nothing settled the emptiness in my heart.

Even in moving into the youkai house, Eloise, my soul didn’t settle right. I fed her blood and bodies of men who didn’t deserve their souls (or manhoods), she protected me and gave me adequate space for my work, but I still felt so lonely. I went to goth clubs, to coffeeshops, to taverns all over Washington, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of the fact that I was forever alone, now.

Kira, Kanaka, Hoshi, and Shuten would all eventually reincarnate. If I was lucky, I would meet them again. I would give anything to see the twins’ raised eyebrows as they pour over battle plans, Hoshi practicing her battle skill, and Shuten gossiping with court ladies (or brawling with her girlfriend; there was no in-between). They all had their flaws, of course, and it wasn’t always good; Kira and Kanaka were a bit cliquey, Hoshi was a perfectionist, and Shuten was an escapist.

Was.

I set their clothes down and felt my eyeliner drip down my cheeks. I rubbed the dark lines, probably further smudging them, and decided to drink.

“One cup for Kiraguma-douji,” I said as I poured, “the smartest of her kind.”

I inhaled the cup in one swallow, smiling at the burn of oni-brew. There was nothing that hit the spot like sake made from my kind, for my kind.

“One cup for Kanaguma-douji,” I continued, “the fastest of her kind.”

Another shot. It tasted sweeter somehow, almost the exact taste of Kanaka’s lips. Kira never did forgive me for the nights I spent with her sister. I wished I had more time to mend our relationship.

“One cup for Hoshiguma-douji,” I said, hands shaking, “the strongest of her kind.”

This shot burned just like when Hoshi first punched me. She broke my nose easily, but felt bad instantly and helped me to my feet. She taught me to better defend myself then, and we went out for drinks and food. I never trusted anyone with my soul like I trusted Hoshi. She might’ve been my favorite, even.

“And last but not least, one cup for Shuten-douji.” My voice broke then, tears falling freely, dropping into the cup of sake, swirling my eyeliner and mascara like ink into the clouds of unfiltered rice. “We never knew what made you special, but damn, you were.”

Shuten was…an enigma, somehow. She wasn’t the strongest, fastest, or smartest. She was funny, I supposed, but I figured what made her the leader was actually her charisma and how much she truly cared about others. It was awful, watching her focus on the group leading to her downfall. She just wanted to help people.

I swallowed the sake angrily, falling into a bow. “And this is when I take…my life,” I decided aloud.

I could join them in death. Would their souls be waiting for me? Could I finally be with my best friends in the world?

The twins had died of illness in the 1500s. Well, one of them did; Kira was studying infectious diseases and accidentally infected herself, and she died what felt like almost instantly. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.

Kanaka hung herself a year later. She couldn’t bear to be without her twin.

For a long time, there was just the three of us. We worked rather well together; Shuten doing all the talking, Hoshi doing all the punching, and me doing all the flirting. But humanity and youkai alike thought that Shuten and Hoshi had to pay for their crimes (their crimes being abducting human women of royal courts, when honestly they were saving them from abusive relationships) with their lives. Hoshi was the first to agree, having a strong sense of honor. She always did want to be a samurai. Shuten followed, not wanting to live without her soul mate.

I watched their deaths. The fell simultaneously, and died holding bloodsoaked hands.

I still had dreams about it.

I put on a coat and slipped on my boots. I wasn’t going to die any of those ways.

I felt like drowning.

I was drowning in my tears, after all. I wouldn’t feel them anymore if I was beneath the salt water.

Eloise overlooked the Pacific Ocean, so it wasn’t hard to gain access to the water. I walked out of the house, shutting the door quietly behind me before walking the dock on the beachfront property. It was a rather sunny day outside, uncharacteristic for the Pacific Northwest. The waves were calm. The seagulls were singing. A soft breeze blew the grass on the beach, making them sound as though they were whispering

I stood at the edge of the dock, eyeing my reflection. I looked like a drunken mess.

Wouldn’t Shuten be proud.

I took one breath, two.

And I dove headfirst in.

Despite how nice it was outside, it was freezing beneath the water. I felt my body naturally float upward, but I forced myself down, down to the murky bottom. Maybe a riptide would catch me. Maybe something monstrous would devour me. Weren’t there sirens in these parts?

I closed my eyes and exhaled a little, feeling my body drift in the cold water. I tried to remain still, despite the screaming in my head of my soul trying in vain to stay alive.

“There’s no point to living. I’m alone forever.”

And those were my last thoughts.


End file.
